Whether you're networking, socializing with a potential new friend, or trying to make a first date formal, talking to someone you barely know can be daunting. What if the small talk feels too small? What if they don't ask any questions?Even worse, what if your mind goes completely blank when it's your turn to ask a question? they One?
Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book “The Power of Habit,” recently developed a “super communicator” to help readers have better conversations and eliminate superficial, boring chats that don't foster meaningful connections. has been published.
When it comes to new people and conversations with new people, Duhigg says there's one research-backed hack that can help “almost any time you're feeling a little bit of fear or anxiety” when talking to someone. told Business Insider.
And it only takes 10-20 seconds.
Have at least three easy topics
“If you're going to a holiday party or a work function, it's really helpful to write down three topics beforehand,” Duhigg told BI.
He learned this from Alison Wood Brooks, an associate professor and researcher at Harvard Business School. He is currently researching the effects of topic preparation with researchers from LSE, Imperial and Wharton.
Brooks told Business Insider that the research is still ongoing. But his three studies of live, face-to-face conversations found that speakers were more confident and verbally dexterous when they brainstormed flexible topics beforehand.
These are topics that speakers can cover, but they don't have to. Are doing Preparation calms you down and improves your skills.
In his book, Duhigg proposed the following options: Possible topics:
-
What are two topics you could discuss? (General topics like last night's game or your favorite TV show are fine)
-
what do you want to say?
-
What are the questions you ask?
Probably won't get to the point
Don't spend too much time finding the best topic, says Duhigg. Even if you do that, there's a high chance you won't be able to get there.
“Most of the time we don't actually talk about these things, but our anxiety levels go way down because we feel like we have something to fall back on,” Duhigg says. “If there's an uncomfortable silence, you know what to say.”
He says it's worth being prepared, even if it just brings peace of mind, adding, “The more calm and relaxed we are, the easier it is to truly connect with someone and have a great conversation.” Because it will happen.”
It's good practice in any conversation
Brooks told the New York Times that you don't necessarily have to write down topics in advance. “Just thinking of one or two ideas in the 20 seconds before a conversation seems to have an effect,” she said.
Although it may seem forced or like extra work, Duhigg says this technique can help you build a deeper connection with someone.
“If I value communicating with you enough to take a few seconds to write down a few topics, I'm not doing anything wrong,” he says. “It shows you that I truly want to connect with you. Nothing feels better than that.”
