KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (WATE) — The emotional toll on couples or individuals experiencing infertility and trying to conceive is significant.
“We got married later than most people. I was 30 and he was in his 30s, so we decided to start a family,” Lisa Roherty said.
She and her husband Brandon now have a beautiful family of five. Like many couples, the Rafties never expected their journey to parenthood to be easy.
“It's an emotional strain. Because of the hormones, it's so easy to get emotional when you see a friend or family member having a baby. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I was more emotional than him. I guess it's because I wanted a baby so bad, and I saw friends and family having babies so easily, and you know, in the back of my mind, I was like, why is this for them? “Do you think it's that simple?” she said.
Brittany Tyler is a counselor at Thriveworks, a mental health provider. She wants people to keep in mind that we don't know why someone doesn't start a family.
“Keep in mind that it's possible, as we know that one in five people suffer from this problem. There is a good chance that [infertility], so instead of putting pressure on them, you might just let them talk about it. “Because sometimes people feel like they're letting their loved ones down if they can't have a baby right away,” Tyler said.
She said the mental strain can lead to depression, anxiety and loss of identity.
“I think the most important thing is to not be isolated. Really find a support system and lean on that to talk to, because a lot of times it's not talked about. You know what infertility is like. And that might be something you don't want to talk about,” Tyler said.
While some couples don't open up about their infertility, the Rafties relied on their community.
“We were having conversations, and that was the useful part, because we were having conversations with people who had already been through this journey,” Lisa said.
They also kept the lines of communication open in their marriage.
“Lisa was just supportive. I never felt like, 'Hey, this is your fault.' I think we need to support each other and make sure we're looking out for all of that, and we had a great support group,” Brandon said. “The whole time we were hanging out, there were people who knew we were coming back. My parents, her mother, her mother's church were sending us things and options. It just so happened that God led us to NEDC.”
Their family was finally born through embryo adoption through the National Embryo Donation Center. Her three children, two girls and one boy, have fulfilled their dream of starting a family.
