In 1997, the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” spread like wildfire among Christian singles. Written by Joshua Harris, a young man disillusioned with secular dating norms, the book encouraged young people to avoid dating, warning that it could lead to heartbreak.
It turns out that most Americans didn't need much encouragement to stop dating. Over the past 25 years, dating has gone from an expected norm to a rare exception in many communities.
In many ways, this trend has accelerated since smartphones became popular in 2012-2013. A Pew Research survey conducted in October 2019 found that nearly half of U.S. adults and a majority of women report that dating has become more difficult over the past decade. Another Pew Research Center survey in 2022 found that most single people perceive dating to be more difficult than it was before the pandemic, with 57% of singles surveyed currently not dating or in a relationship. It has been reported that there are no plans to build one.
Julia Carter, a British sociologist who studies relationships, also said last year that dating apps were making dating “more private” and that “people are sitting in their rooms flipping through profiles themselves. There is a trend.” ”
Today's society is hyper-digital, and face-to-face interactions no longer come naturally to many people. “Oh, I'm not going to go out to dinner with anyone. It's really intense and awkward,” Sasha said in a Guardian article last year. Rachel agreed. Not just money, but also time. ”
BYU-Idaho students gather in the student center for ice cream as part of CES Date Night on January 31, 2024 in Rexburg, Idaho.
Some of these same concerns have fueled recent efforts by the Church Educational System of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to encourage face-to-face social interactions, including dating, among young people. “There are a lot of young people who are now more connected than ever on Instagram, but they don't talk to people in real life,” said Elder Clark G. Gilbert, Church Education Commissioner. Elder Gilbert said in a new Church News interview.
The elder Gilbert explained that he received a letter from a parent saying, “My daughter is going to a random college, but she hasn't had a date in two years.'' Another letter reads, “My son stays up all night playing games with his roommate.”
To provide an additional boost, leaders at CES institutions (Brigham Young University, BYU-Idaho, BYU-Hawaii, Ensign College, as well as BYU-Pathway Worldwide and more than a dozen religious institutes in the United States) I requested the following: We will be holding mass dating activities in January to meet the needs of students at each campus.
A smiling couple poses for a photo at CES Date Night hosted by Ensign College on January 31, 2024.
The goal, Elder Gilbert said, is to help students “get back in the game and ask someone out” in a “loving way” and in a “low-stakes way.”
Elder Gilbert told the Deseret News, “While important, this was not just a response to societal trends. It was a response to prophetic encouragement.”
Stake presidents of young single adult (YSA) congregations have been organizing similar events on a smaller scale for years. President Wayne Dymock, who presides over the Logan YSA 7th Stake, told the Deseret News about encouraging stake members to bring someone on a formally scheduled date night. “Either set up a date, have someone set you up on a blind date, or I'll set you up on a date.”
“We want you to come, have fun, get to know each other, relax and enjoy your date,” he recalls telling the men and women in his stake.
The recent CES event significantly expanded these efforts. An estimated 20,000 young people flock to these large-scale dating events in one week, with the largest event attended by about 7,000 students at the University of Idaho, BYU.
Couples gather on the BYU Hawaii campus for CES Date Night on January 31, 2024 in Laie, Hawaii.
Monique Saenz, BYU – Hawaii
Organizers at the Utah Valley Institute of Religion in Orem, Utah, urged all 800 to 900 attendees to mark their dates and attend. “This was really nerve-wracking for many of our students, who hadn't had a date in months,” said Sean Dixon, the institute's director. “It was clear how necessary this event was when we saw students nervous about setting up dates.”
One BYU-I student described how her entire family evening group, who normally don't date, came together to decide on a date for the event. Ashley Parkinson, director of the Institute in Columbia, Missouri, admitted that she was initially a little nervous about hosting a date night for a small group of students, but said, I did my best to do that,” he said with gratitude. Conversation, games, and “fancy dinners” even if it becomes a burden.
Parkinson ended the night with a message from President Dallin Oaks and her own testimony, Rachel Starther Gibson of the Church News reported. She sent students out the door with a handout with a list of inexpensive date ideas and conversation starters, as well as local coupons. Cookie shop for future dates.
These big date nights included a variety of activities, from dancing and karaoke to pickleball and board games, plus plenty of free food. That included 5,000 hot dogs served at BYU, 4,700 ice cream servings at BYU (which ran out in the first 15 minutes), and 550 taco salads at the Utah Valley Institute of Religion. The amount has reached the point where it has been provided to nearly 700 people.
Students roast s'mores at a fire pit in Brigham Square as part of CES Date Night on January 31, 2024 in Provo, Utah.
BYU-Idaho Managing Director of Student Activities Allen Jones said the evening campus date “far exceeded our expectations.” “All the activities were packed and bursting at the seams.” Brent Fillmore, instructor at the Logan Institute of Religion, also said the turnout exceeded expectations. The couple seemed to leave feeling lighter and more inspired.”
Students pose in a photo booth during CES Date Night hosted by BYU-Idaho on January 31, 2024 in Rexburg, Idaho.
Emphasize the reason. While these events directly lead to marriage for a small percentage of participants, these activities also have additional benefits at a time when 18- to 25-year-olds are the loneliest segment of the U.S. population.
It's clear that event organizers are also looking to the longer term: fostering what Virginia professor Brad Wilcox calls a “marriage mindset.”
Many of the organizers integrated uplifting religious messages about marriage and embracing a divine identity to accompany the various activities. At BYU–Pathway Worldwide, President Brian K. Ashton and Sister Melinda Ashton touched on a variety of questions about dating and marriage in a broadcast titled “Cultivating Everlasting Relationships.”
In an interview with Church News, Elder Gilbert said that President Russell Nelson's comments to young people about identity in 2022 and President Dallin Oaks' comments to young people about the doctrinal importance of dating and marriage in 2023 will He pointed out that this was the real trigger for the event.
“Within the Church's educational system, we do not set our priorities, but rely on prophets, seers, and revelators.”
More important than the number of activities or participants, Elder Gilbert said, is “teaching the principles of the proclamation, the principles of the family, and spreading the messages from prophets, seers, and revelators.”
Regarding the CES date night event, he acknowledged, “This is not a silver bullet.” But he believes that despite strong societal trends to the contrary, efforts like this can be a catalyst to re-instill a positive dating culture that gets people away from screens and helps them connect more often as fellow Christians. He expressed his hope that this would be the case.
rachel starzer gibson Contributed to this report.
