- As a former live-in nanny, I have witnessed and sometimes judged many different parenting styles.
- I often saw parents completely ignoring their children or not paying enough attention to them.
- Some children even called me “mom” because their parents didn’t spend enough time with them.
I worked as a live-in nanny in Sydney for two years. I'd been working regular babysitting jobs since I was 14, but when I arrived Down Under, backpack in hand, I wondered how different a live-in role would be. As it turns out, very.
As a live-in child care worker, I was on the front lines of working with all types of parenting styles and techniques.
I loved all the families I nannyed and cared for many children. Through all these experiences, I have learned that I have to be calm, competent, and judgmental. But, admittedly, there have been times when I have judged my parenting.
My biggest problem was that my parents omitted problem behavior during the interview stage.
During the interview, parents are trying to find the best mutual combination for the child and nanny. For a desperate corporate couple on the edge of a corner, the temptation to cover up the screech of separation anxiety that lasts an hour every morning is understandable. But it should only be a temptation.
I've always hated it when parents don't reveal the whole truth about their child during interviews and don't explain what the child really needs. Yes, your child may have a tantrum, but don't hide long-term behavioral problems. Don't rush or mislead your child about his or her behavior.
This parenting style is selfish and not even sustainable. Believe please. If I spent 12 hours a day with your child, this behavior would be noticed right away. The more honest you are about the behavior, the sooner you can get to the bottom of it and be able to better support your child.
The lack of support for children also really bothered me
One of my biggest complaints was the classic “brush off”. Picture this: Your child and I enjoy a day of fun activities like a trip to the park, a ballet class, and finally arts and crafts. But the highlight of any day is seeing mom and dad back.
But some parents don't understand that. In fact, I've seen parents say, “Oh, that's nice,” without looking at the picture sideways. I've also heard small voices grow quieter as I realized I wasn't being heard in ballet class.
I have been adamant in my criticism of parents who don't hug their children when they get home from work and who show little interest in their children's day.
Work is tiring. After 12 hours of parenting, I'm also tired. But not recognizing how important a 10-minute handoff can be is detrimental.
Some parents were so isolated that their children started calling me “mom.”
In some cases, parents aren't just tired. They were completely hands off. I don't know if they've become so apathetic that they've become so hands-off, or if they really don't care. But one thing is for sure: your children may unconsciously reattach elsewhere. This was especially true for the younger children, who started calling me “mom” from then on.
Of course, the odd failure happens. But these incidents were different. I gently corrected him each time by telling him to say my name instead, but that spoke to his troubled and shifting attachments.
At that point I thought, “You just don't spend enough time with your kids, and it shows.”
So while I would like to reassure the public that a nanny is a non-judgmental addition to your home, I'll spare you your intelligence. Our live-in nannies immediately care about your child and want only what is best for them.
We are also concerned about the impact of our temporary contract with a revolving nanny. We want to be that stable presence for your child. But in reality, we know that the visa will expire and the contract will also end. We nannies are only temporary. At the end of the day, all your children need is you, the parent.
