- I have been working in the service industry since I was 16 years old.
- Many first dates take place at bars, and the bartender has a front row seat to what's going on.
- If you need help with a situation, don't be afraid to ask the bartender for help.
I've been a bartender since I was 16 and have worked as a barback, bussing tables, pubs, rum bars, restaurants, and weddings. I'm 25 years old now, and I can guarantee you that I can spot red flags from behind bars when I'm on a date.
Many first dates involve taking someone out to a pub or bar. You can get to know each other over drinks or snacks in a relaxed atmosphere.
But these great drinking establishments are witnessing what an unfortunate situation dating has become. People seem to forget what it means to make a good honest impression.
I spoke to a dating expert about looking like a fly on the wall at a bar. He agrees that these five things are red flags.
Encourages you to drink more, even if it's subtle
Something you often see behind bars, especially when people stop by as a second or third spot on a date, is sometimes subtle, but sometimes very obvious attempts to get someone drunk.
“Pressuring the person you're dating into doing something they don't want to do is a red flag,” says author and dating coach Connell Barrett.
Do you ignore the single's request and buy a double for your date, or wait until you go to the bathroom and buy another one so you don't have to say no? You shouldn't pressure yourself to drink more than you'd like, especially on a date.
You are dressed up for two different dates
We saw the photo of Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber go viral, and we see the same thing happening in bars. Someone is wearing sweats and the other is wearing heels.
If the vibe is off and you seem to have completely different ideas about what's appropriate for a date, you may have a problem. “Little things can mean big things, and if you're both going on a first date, you want to make a good first impression,” Barrett says.
don't split the bill
The expectation that one person pays for every drink, dinner, and experience is outdated and a red flag. It makes me angry when I see someone looking at the card machine and waiting for the other person to pay. You can be as passionate and interested as you want, but that doesn't automatically mean you'll get a free drink.
“It gives you a sense of entitlement,” Barrett explained. “It feels weird when people aren’t on the same page.”
always looking at cell phone
From the other side of the bar, people still seem to think it's okay to check your phone or stare at a screen multiple times during a date.
“Ask your date to check their phone just once, and don't worry,” Barrett says. We're all busy, so while it may be important, there's a limit to how much we can let it go. “But if they check it a second time, maybe they'll joke about it, because we want to make sure we're present when we show up for a date.” added Barrett.
mock you with your drink of choice
It's your choice what you drink or don't drink, but I regularly see people making fun of their dates at bars. It's enough to roll my eyes when people call cocktails “girly drinks” or make fun of beer's calories.
“To make these assumptions and say things like this shows deep insecurity,” Barrett said.
Many bars around the world have introduced an “Ask For Angela” or Angel Shot system, where you can ask at the bar about an unpleasant situation and get out without getting upset. I've never been asked for an Angela or asked for help at a bar in the past, and I've found bartenders to be great at keeping you safe and supportive in uncomfortable romantic situations.
