science of brothers is a new series that explores how siblings affect us, from our money and mental health to molecules themselves.we will be share these stories over the next few weeks.
Many of us have ups and downs in our relationships with our siblings. And those relationships can be most intense during adolescence.
As a teenager, I remember all the times my sister reminded me that I was in charge. For example, when her sister got her driver's license and she insisted that I sit in her back seat when she went to pick up her friend Pam. Pam ended up sitting in the front. She was really really annoying.
But once I moved out of home in my twenties, our relationship evolved. We began to see each other as equals and friends. She still likes to be in charge and I respect her for that because she's good at it now. And before I knew it, she became my biggest cheerleader, supporting my career and raising my children. Our shared values and experiences brought us closer to middle age.
This has proven to bode well for my and my sisters' mental health. Researchers found that warm, close bonds with siblings in early adulthood predicted greater resilience and less loneliness, anxiety, and depression later in life. .
“I think this speaks to the salience of sibling bonds,” says Megan Gilligan, an associate professor of human development and family science at the University of Missouri.
Gilligan and her colleagues analyzed survey data from hundreds of participants. family transition project, Decades of research on family relationships. The study found that people who reported higher levels of warmth and connection with their siblings at age 23 had lower levels of anxiety and depression symptoms at age 41. “And we found the opposite as well,” Gilligan said.
Those who experienced sibling discord at age 23 were more likely to report anxiety and other negative emotions in midlife. The survey results are Journal of Family Psychology.
Sibling relationships tend to reach a turning point, usually around age 23. “Relationships change,” Gilligan says. And while you never forget your early dynamics, relationships tend to be more stable.
Given the important relationships people form throughout their lives, including partners, children, friends, and colleagues, the importance of sibling relationships can sometimes be hidden in plain sight. It's easy to take the presence of siblings for granted, but Gilligan says a “clear pattern” has emerged from her research that shows how early sibling relationships influence mental well-being in midlife and beyond. He said that it shows how it affects people. “This proves the importance of this bond,” she says.
Another study examining sibling relationships in later life found that the importance of these relationships persisted into retirement age. Researchers looked at a sample of 608 older adults with an average age of 65 and found that those who reported warm relationships with siblings were less lonely and had better mental health.
And again, the opposite was true. Sibling conflict was associated with depression, anxiety, hostility, and feelings of loneliness. “Siblings serve as a source of social support, worsening mental health.” [struggles]'' says Gilligan.
And some bonds are stronger than others. Researchers found that sisters have warmer relationships compared to siblings and siblings.
Sibling relationships can be strengthened even if they are not best friends. The important thing is to talk things through. Here are his three helpful tips.
Let's get our feelings out.
It's easy to revert to old dynamics or be triggered by childhood events. And if the parents had favorites, it can make the relationship difficult.
Most siblings experience ups and downs in their relationships. “It's not a good strategy to let it go,” Gilligan says. Instead, it's best to recognize past history and family relationships and try to move past them. Just like relationships with friends or spouses, sibling relationships require nurturing and dedication.
Please give your brothers some respite.
We tend to be more reactive towards our siblings. Disagreements can lead to a return to the volatile relationships common in childhood. But as adults, it's important to take a step back and look at the situation from your sibling's perspective, even if it takes time and patience. “Everything looks different from a different perspective,” says Ellen Langer, a psychology professor at Harvard University who studies mindfulness. Langer says arguments are common in close relationships, so it helps to be curious about your sibling's perspective instead of being judgmental. Understanding their perspective may help you understand their choices and actions.
Establish clear lines of communication
Caring for elderly parents can be a source of great conflict for older siblings. If you were not in the habit of relying on each other, the increased needs of your parents may require more time and effort. “Sharing of care is one of the biggest sources of conflict,” Gilligan says. You may suddenly need to be in constant contact. “And the reality for most families is that it will never be equal,” she says. One way she reduces conflict is by setting up daily texts or weekly FaceTIME calls to plan and stay on the same page. Proactively anticipating your needs can help you plan better and reduce stress.
Learn more science of brothers series:
