In honor of April Child Abuse Prevention Month, I pulled a letter out of my file.
I've been writing the Ask Mary Jo column since January 2005, so I'll soon be writing a weekly column for 20 years. We will answer all your questions, but they will not necessarily be included in the column. I keep getting questions from young people. However, even if you don't use new questions for your columns, there are enough archived questions to cover the rest of 2024 and beyond.
Questions about child abuse are rarer than most, but there are some. Many are not suitable for this column. I will protect those who write to me and may be recognized depending on the circumstances.
The first letter below was sent to me over ten years ago. I was reminded of last week when I received a second letter from the same writer. I share both because they highlight how necessary child abuse prevention education is to the well-being of young people.
Letter No.1: It's been a while since I've written. I wanted to say that I'm fine and so is my baby. She's not really a baby anymore. Why do children grow so quickly? Considering her birth, I'm glad you were my doula. I'm still shocked that I revealed to you that I was her father so soon after she was born. It's not what people say, you know? I was angry at you when you reported what happened to me, but now I realize that it was the best thing you ever did for me.
I was so scared. My abuser said he would kill me if I told anyone he was my baby's daddy. I believed him. I thought, he was 14 – what did I know? I think the labor and birth was so intense and I relied on you so much during it that you suddenly decided this secret was too much.
You mentioned that many pregnant teens are sexually assaulted, many by someone they know. That's what happened to me. My abuser was a deacon at my church. He said all little girls do this, and I didn't know any better at first. I always thought I hated what he did. At one point, he was kind to me, so I was confused. I remember you telling me that nothing he did was my fault. I will always remember that. Anyway, both my daughter and I are doing well. thank you.
since last week:
Letter No.2: I just started getting the OR online. I like reading about what's happening in my old hometown. I saw your column and wanted to write again. Do you think you could publish my letters, this one and the old ones? I would like people to know my story anonymously. My daughter is a teenager now, and every time she thinks about how vulnerable young girls are, she shivers. She's a great teenager. I'm proud of her. She is an honor student, an athlete, and a good friend. She knows part of my story. When she gets older, I'll tell her more gently. I'm married to a good man. I know he will protect his girlfriend with all his might. He loves her as if she were his own. I told him I was going to write to you and have my letter printed, and he agreed that I would do so. I would feel better if someone could wake up to what is really going on with child sexual abuse. thank you.
Mary Jo's response: I value both of your letters. I'm glad you raised her daughter so well and that she ended up with a good husband. Child sexual abuse is a precursor to her teenage pregnancy. This simply means that child abuse is one of the events that may precede it. Your words are courageous and unselfish. I'm sure it will give you some inspiration. It is adults' job to protect children. I hope the joy continues. thank you.
I am a Stewards of Children from Darkness to Light Certified Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Facilitator. Join the class!
I have a question? Email Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski at podmj@healthyteens.com.
