Baseball has been embroiled in a uniform controversy over Biblical proportions, and I think that explains all the clothes-ripping.
The Major League Players Association says MLB's new uniforms are too thin. Especially pants that are a little see-through. Especially the part that covers the protective cup of the pants, which is somewhat transparent. Many players do not wear cups. I think you can see where I'm going with this. And now I can't stop seeing it.
nevertheless. Are you so fussed about uniforms?
Of all the issues up the game's sleeve, the most pressing concern is that on-duty attire is a pain for athletes? That the players' names and numbers on the new uniforms are smaller than before? Does it not suit you? Does that mean it's too snug? Will the sweat and rain make your pants even more exposed?
All of this should be far down the MLBPA's to-do list, but here we are, looking at union speech attire with the precision you'd see on a fashion show runway. It seems like far more energy and emotion is spent on uniforms than on the reality that TV ratings are low and baseball is being ignored by young people in large numbers. Last year's World Series between the Rangers and Diamondbacks had the smallest attendance in history.
And let's talk about uniforms. I think I've found the perfect metaphor for gaming myopia.
If baseball believes jerseys are the gateway to the game for new fans, it has a bigger problem than it realizes. If uniforms sell sports better than the sport itself, why not open 30 of his MLB Apparel Stores around the country and hand out World Series Trophies based on gross revenue?
The players put on their uniforms and get to work on the mound, picking up bats and shaking rosin bags. they play. look. That's what it should be, right? Simple, but true. Uniforms are the wrapping paper for the athleticism found in baseball.
But that doesn't take into account the vanity of Major League baseball players, who seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the mirror. During the baseball season, he has 162 regular season games per team, which requires a lot of time. This is when baseball players think of a good exfoliating scrub.
Baseball is different from football. The face is public. Therefore, you need to be careful about your appearance. I'd be shocked if Phillies star Bryce Harper didn't spend several hours every day getting his hair and beard done. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how the uniform controversy happens.
Most of us don't wear uniforms to work or go out in public. But if Accounts Payable's Chumley were suddenly thrust into the light of celebrity Krieg, he might start complaining about how tight his company-issued sweater vest is. And he may start flying the abnormal flag like Harper. But if Chumley's employer is about to die, he might be more concerned about the future than fashion.
This is not the case with baseball players. Baseball players cannot see beyond their glasses.
“Performance wear may be comfortable, but it looks like a knock-off TJ Maxx jersey,” an anonymous Oriole player told the Baltimore Banner.
This resonates with fans, many of whom are adult men who consider baseball jerseys to be a statement of style. They will follow the lead of the heroes. They won't buy the 2024 model until MLB, Nike, and Fanatics improve what is said to be a terrible product. In the meantime, they will wear last year's jerseys to weddings and christenings.
Perhaps MLB commissioner Rob Manfred and Nike's designers knew exactly what they were trying to do with their skimpy uniforms. Perhaps they realized that the way to save a breathtaking sport was through more than just the power of suggestion. If so, I may be misunderstanding the importance of uniforms. Arguably, the uniforms are more meaningful than the game itself, especially when the partially see-through pants come with an implied “Hello, world!”
Can Pants, who turns all pitchers into junk ball pitchers, save baseball? I don't know. But I wonder if the ballplayers lack the sense of urgency here. It's not their problem anymore. It's about finding ways to draw attention to the sport.
I'm imagining a new advertising campaign. “Major League Baseball: Every Day is Casual Friday. At Chippendales.”
